| i CANT be sad. i CANT be tired. i CANT be anything.
how should i live my life this way? all the creeping eyes looking at every move i make. one little mistake and im done for it. i feel so pressured so burdened.
this pain ive been coping with for the last 8 months. i cant cope anymore. i cant even tell anyone, because they dont understand. some say stupid, some say effortless. then tell me, how would you deal with it. id love to hear. put yourself in my shoes. my ears are wide open.
my pain is equivalent to nothing.
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| i cant take it anymore. this time i just cant suck it in like nothing has happened before. im tired of pretending to be okay. im tired of wearing a mask all the time and nobody knows how i feel. im tired of always smiling just so people would think im okay and they wont get affected.
im tired. enough is enough. why do i always have to please people. why cant i be selfish oncein a while. why do i have to always be the blame for others feelings. im human too. i have feelings. i get frustrated too. its not only you people have feelings.
i have no choice but to give up. im tired. i need to stop running the race. im ready to jump off the cliff. im letting myself go. life has done enough. ive cried enough. everything, just, stop.
im so.. tired..
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| i spoke too soon..
it was my foolishness that kept my insanity sane. it kept me from losing my mind, from falling. i'd lie to myself to the things that everybody knows are truths.
sigh..
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| so ive been coming back and forth from blogger to xanga. couldnt 'promote' my blogger in Facebook. xanga can, surprisingly. grr grr..
okay about my problem. its getting.. confusing. it feels attached still, yet so faraway. like, u still have to chase it to obtain it, but also you dont need to because its already part of you. @@ haha. if anyone asks me to explain this in words, that would take daaaays. im better in written words. :D yeah well, though its confusing, its really attracting me to know why. i like wondering things. :D and im annoyingly curious, haha.
when things go wrong, i get really really worried even if its something small. i get cold sweats, at times. i normally over think things when everything is alright, most of the time. i guess i chose it that way, because i want to care, and its because im fastened to it.
id ask for opinions but i dont get what im typing either, so.. haha. hope theres some things you guys can help. :) thank you so much.
oh, and im starting to be that jolly Jamie again. :D the emo-ness will always come back, but who caresss? thats for the future to decide. i am now seizing the moment. :) wish me luck!
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| aaaand, im back. again. ahah. aint it fun to see me update and disappear for you-and-i-dont-know when will i be back? :D
so.. my previous post was about the little gist of my problem. before i get to that, im planning to sell one of my shirt again. xD the old times huh. KAVITA NOT HERE. T.T she bought what i sold last time, here in xanga. :( im selling another never worn before shirt. striped. ahh.. i should talk about it in my blogger. :)
oh whoops! gotta go. imma go SHOPPPEEENNGGG!! will be back to talk about it. :)
thanks again for the people who visited! :)
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